Diary of a Youthleader

Last year it was prophesied that I would encounter lots of problems this year - that this year would be about stretching, squeezing and I would find myself in difficult situations. This has been a horrendously accurate description of my year to date. And then I felt that it was coming under control during the past couple of months, I'm still finding myself spiralling into something close to despair - not about my area, youthwork, but about the church as a whole.

I work in an office down the corridor from the elders, yet I have no idea what the vision of the church is, where we're going or why, often I find myself in situations where I have to back up bad or non-decisions made by the elders because it's my job to, and when I feel that I just want to agree with the aggravated church member - 'yes, I know it's ridiculous, but that's the way our church is run, isn't it?' - I simply can't do that, can I? And so I become a part of the ridiculous machine that I find so difficult to work within.

And then there's the magical new elder who is supposed to cure all ills and fix all problems.

The trouble is, of course, whilst he has plenty of good ideas, and is a good, decent chap, he doesn't seem to do anything to take the weight off the staff who are running the conference centre. His job, so far as I can work out, is to tinker with computers, drink coffee with people and listen to podcasts whilst playing card games on his computer. And given the amount of work that I find I'm involved with, that's really not a fair distribution of work. However, I know without being told, that he hasn't been given a job description and so is wandering through this period of time trying to work out what he's supposed to be doing.

Not easy - I know.

And then there is the pathetic group of second-tier leaders. We don't need more elders, what we need are good deacons. Sadly, because our deacons don't understand the ill-defined and un-articulated vision of the church, they're unable to get behind it and push. What is needed is to redefine the vision and then constantly pound it into people. When addressing the deacons, they need to be given the option to opt-out - why be sentimental? If a new vision is not what these people want to follow, then it's time for us to thank them for their valuable service (because it certainly has been valuable at one time or another) and then ask them to step down and let new people who are excited by the vision pick it up. By this, I don't mean me. I need the vision, but I certainly don't need more responsibility right now!

Our poor, vision-impoverished deacons create something else that is difficult for the church as a whole - visionless church members. If the deacons can't see what we're about, there's no way whatsoever that they can lead the people below them, and so we find ourselves in the awful situation where our church sees many new people, but they never stay. We've probably turned over the entire number of church members that we have in 2 years, yet not actually grown. In fact, I think we may have shrunk.

It's not easy to find oneself in the position where I have to back up this visionless leadership when I don't understand what they're doing. I thrive on vision and I pass vision on. With no vision to do that with, I'm left to muddle along without a rudder, seeking out my own winds. This is not safe and healthy for any young man; but sadly it is the way that it is. I am concerned that it would be best for me to leave, and to go to a better-run church in order to learn what to do, rather than what not to do. Yet my salary is attached to my church of choice, and so I cannot quite so easily move on. The oil industry once again appears attractive, but I know that that way leads to a dead-end where I work not for my beliefs - indeed, often against them - and yet, it would provide a more secure future for my family.

This is not an easy situation to be in, and once again, I find myself being forced to go to God and cry out 'I don't know what is happening - please show me what I must do!'